Why Dane Cook is a Piece of Shit

Dane Cook is a fucking clown. What a joke! Cook is a no talent, cocky, self-promoting hack. He’s the only comedian I’ve seen who doesn’t tell jokes. Every time I see him I want to projectile vomit. He’s a glorified theatrical story-teller who parades around stage like he has a stick up his ass. He tells zero jokes or even a semblance of a joke, its stories of his life—which aren’t even original. He should thank fellow comedian Louie C.K., who received his Lucky Louie series on HBO as apart of a deal for Cook stealing his material. This is the ultimate punk-ass bitch move.

The popularity of Cook has been an almost overnight transformation. Cook was a middle-of-the-road comic performing shows across the country. From his HBO and Comedy Central specials to his HBO mini-series “Tourgasm” and now to his evolving movie and music career. It seems everywhere you turn there’s Dane Cook doing some ridiculous strut or dance. I’ll give Cook credit; he saw an opportunity to market himself through the Internet with his website and MySpace account. In turn, the Internet exposed him to a larger audience. However, while most comics grind out a living on the road playing different cities hoping to get a break—Cook helped create his break. This would explain why real comedians consider him the P. Diddy of comedy: no talent and lots of theatrical flash and glamour. P. Diddy is to Biggie Smalls as Dane Cook is to Louie C.K. It’s ironic, how these two bums latched onto talented entertainers and exploited them for their own career advancement.

Now this ass-bag is at it again, doing commercials for Major League Baseball with their new slogan for the playoffs, “Actober.” I don’t need this Comie Pinko telling me about the Cleveland Indians’ or Milwaukee Brewers’ players; unlike you I follow and comprehend baseball and its players. It’s quite ironic to see Cook talking about acting, considering he’s a terrible actor, who’s constantly type casted. His upcoming prototypical movie is Good Luck Chuck with super hottie Jessica Alba. The fact he even gets a chance to hang-out with this tasty biscuit makes me want to rip my fucking teeth out. Oh lets not forget about his new song “Forward” which sounds like a cat getting hit by a wrench. Give it up man, you suck pole. You’re that guy everyone makes fun of because he thinks he’s so cool but in actuality you’re really a loser who doesn’t know the difference. So naturally every Abercrombie T-shirt wearing douche-bag and clueless panty-dropping broad considers him the cats meow. I guess it doesn’t matter; it just goes to show that through the dumbification of America the public will love you.