A Heartfelt letter to Lebron James

RE: I’m Done Witchu!

Lebron James,

What the fuck is wrong with you! Did your mommy not teach you any values—apparently not? Do you know where you come from? You were born and raised in Northeast Ohio hailing from Akron, Ohio. You single-handedly put Cavaliers basketball and the city of Cleveland on the map both nationally and globally. You were on your way to become a God in this city, now you are a complete embarrassment and alienated the Cleveland faithful. You didn’t forget about your scumbag friends from high school, whom you so loving refer to as the ‘four horsemen.’ You might not realize this Bron Bron but a kid with no real world experience, let alone no college degree does not normally become Vice-President of marketing for Nike. You don’t realize what this city has been through The Drive, The Fumble, The Shot, The Blown Save, you must have forgot about this while you were doing the ESPY Awards or Saturday Night Live.

You show up to a Tribe game versus New York sporting a Yankees hat on national television and completely dogging your hometown, what a travesty. Not only wearing a hat of one the most hated teams in this city’s history but arrogantly and pompously rubbing our face in it by flaunting your hat in the air. How would you like it if Bernie Kosar showed up to a Cavs playoff game a rocking a Pistons jersey, guess what, that wouldn’t happen because Kosar has class. Do you even know who Bernie Kosar is?

You are done; I’m no longer cheering for you, sticking up for you or comparing you to Michael Jordan. The fact of the matter, you don’t play defense and you can’t consistently make free throws—you are no Mark Price. I will, like any other die hard Cleveland fan, continue to root for the Cavs and any success that comes with the organization. Go back to where you came from—Akron, home of rubber, the dirtiest strip clubs on Earth, and Cleveland’s red-headed step child.


Sincerely,

The City of Cleveland and its fans


P.S. How many kids do you have now?

The Verdict is In for Just a Drop….Poop!

I discovered a revolutionary new bathroom product; Just a Drop guarantees elimination of 98% of odor on contact. Their slogan is “Never worry about embarrassing bathroom odors again.” I was very skeptical of this product therefore; I purchased this product off the Internet. I received 2 Visine-like bottles of blue liquid, which is so strong I could smell it even before opening the package. The odor from this product stings your nostrils. Oh lets not forget that Just a Drop included a convenient travel package as well. The directions clearly state on the packaging: drop one (or two) drops of the liquid in the toilet before you drop bombs. This product is supposed to mask those paint peeling, barn-like animal odors.

Over the past week this product has been tested by all types of men, women, and children both healthy and unhealthy. The test included using various numbers of drops, ranging from 1 to 5. This product was tested in a controlled environment, with no fan and or air fresheners. An outside third-party inspected the bathroom after using Just a Drop.

AND the verdict…Just a Drop is just a joke. Just a Drop does mask the smell but it by no means eliminates 98% of odor. There is a minty smell combined with a poopy odor. The testimonials from their website claim this product will alter your social life. Erroneous, this product is full of shit and smells like shit. Don’t falsely claim to eliminate odor unless you shit roses. Well guess what, everyone poops and shit still stinks!!